The Myth of the Work-Life Balance

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Any good lawyer knows how to spot an ambiguity.  Work-Life Balance is one.  I recall going to my first big-law “group interview” session at a restaurant in NW D.C. where a well-intentioned, naive little law student asked the bespoked attorneys who had bought us food (and pretended to care about our futures) about “work life balance,” and I thought “WTH is that?”  I had never heard the term “Work Life Balance” before but apparently everyone else at the table had because they nodded primly and turned their expectant, brown noses back to the lawyers, awaiting the answer.  Then, and now, I still don’t know what WLB means.  (I later realized I had been mistakenly invited to the big-law dinner interview because they confused me with another 1L who had a similar name…my grades and my career goals did not make me a good big-law fit. But I’d gone anyway, knowing someone had made a mistake inviting me, just to gawk at the zoo that I’d opted out of. And for a free salmon dinner.)

I write this because today, about 13 years after that D.C. dinner, I saw many attorneys, who were commenting on a Facebook (Meta?) query about what “younger” attorneys look for in a law firm, mention “work life balance.”  But that’s where they left it. They didn’t explain what they meant by WLB.  And no one ever does.  It’s not an unattainable unicorn; it is simply a figment of everyone’s individual (not collective) imaginations.  A unicorn can be easily defined.  Your WLB, contrastly, is much different than mine which is different than theirs which is different than anyone else’s.  

So stop wondering if a firm that looks greener on the other side of the fence has a good WLB.  If you don’t have WLB now, you likely won’t find it over there.  Because WLB is just that: Balance.  It’s not “balance” if you’re leaning on someone’s shoulder or expecting them to prop you up.  Balance is entirely up to you.  

What do I know?  Let me introduce myself.  I’m Paige (a woman attorney, JD 2012).  I have 4 kids, a pretty solid marriage (to a non-lawyer), no ulcers or kidney stones (that I know of), and I’m a partner at a small-to-mid-size firm.  Some people at this firm have no WLB.  Some seem to have it. Some days I have it, other days I don’t.  I tell you this not to brag, but to assure you that where you work does not determine if you have a WLB. Sure, at some workplaces, it’s impossible to balance anything other than work.  But you can overwork yourself as a waiter at Cracker Barrel if you try.  So stop fretting about whether or not that glossy firm where they give $100k bonuses has a “good WLB.”  My advice FWIW:  Figure out what you want your life to be.  Then figure out if the “work” option fits into that life.  Once you meld the two, then tell me if your balanced.  Because only you will know.

Oh, and WLB can be a very white privilege concept. So, to all those white-privileged folks who make $300k/year as a 25 year old but are complaining that you don’t have enough time to do yoga with your cat… go tell that to the waitress who is balancing 3 jobs to afford daycare.  Then tell me you wish you had more WLB.   Or just shut up.  I say this with love.

Until next time, be well.  And balanced.